Early spring is always the most hectic time of year, for me at least. There are auditions for next year's choral groups, spring musical rehearsals, and teachers straining to shove more information down my throat whilst my mind is already on a sunny beach in Florida....hence, why not throw in an application for National Honors Society?
I'm sure the perfect timing of this application process weeds out a lot of eligible applicants, but for those of us who really want this honor, it swallows up time that we don't already have, and in turn, our applications can't be the best they could have been.
The application really was a bitch to fill out, honestly. Filling out pages upon pages of all the service and leadership you've done throughout your highschool career with detailed explanations, signatures and total hours contributed to each individual activity is, to say the least, frustrating. Then you ask yourself...what exactly is service? Well, according to Westlake High School, if you play on a club volleyball team, that's somehow service; and that volleyball team is weighted the same as weekly hours at a local soup kitchen? really?
What is and what isn't considered service is not the real issue. It's more of people exaggerating to come across more deserving than others. Understandable i guess, who doesnt' want to have a b.a. application? But then there's the whole, "how far is too far?" borderline. The whole thing is completely confusing and seemingly filled with loopholes, but isn't this a society for the honorable? hmmm.
With my annonymous application officially out of my hands and into the also annonymous selection panel, all us nervous applicants can do is wait and see if all of our hours with calculators multiplying leadership hours and running around cities for adult verification signatures was even worth it.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
Dear college emails and letters,
Please stop stuffing my inbox with your "find out which college is best for you" quizzes and telling me you've been noticing my academic achievements, because if that were true, you probably woudn't be emailing me.
Above all, you confuse me. For awhile i think i have somewhat of an idea what i want to do/ where i want to go and then you mess it all up. I end up drooling over your campus and yet again change my mind--only to find out that you are a second-tier ivy league college, tuition at 40,000 a year that full well knows that i probably wouldn't have a chance in hell, but you tricked me into loving your school. You're all meanies. Stop.
You scare me by telling me that there's only 5 months until i should fill out applications. I can no longer say, "oh i've got plenty of time," which is what everyone's been told since fifth grade when we still wanted to be rockstars and astronauts. I don't want to wait four months for you to decide my future based on wether or not i'm worthy of your school. I don't want to think about losing so many close people in my life and not having them around to share all the wonderful and stupidly hilarious times that we always do. I don't want to embrace the uncertainty of my own future yet; i prefer to currently live in my self-imposed ignorance to all that lies ahead; so please, let me have a little longer.
Part of me is still the fifth grade rockstar, and we're both scared.
so yea, basically, the emails are obnoxious.
thanks.
Above all, you confuse me. For awhile i think i have somewhat of an idea what i want to do/ where i want to go and then you mess it all up. I end up drooling over your campus and yet again change my mind--only to find out that you are a second-tier ivy league college, tuition at 40,000 a year that full well knows that i probably wouldn't have a chance in hell, but you tricked me into loving your school. You're all meanies. Stop.
You scare me by telling me that there's only 5 months until i should fill out applications. I can no longer say, "oh i've got plenty of time," which is what everyone's been told since fifth grade when we still wanted to be rockstars and astronauts. I don't want to wait four months for you to decide my future based on wether or not i'm worthy of your school. I don't want to think about losing so many close people in my life and not having them around to share all the wonderful and stupidly hilarious times that we always do. I don't want to embrace the uncertainty of my own future yet; i prefer to currently live in my self-imposed ignorance to all that lies ahead; so please, let me have a little longer.
Part of me is still the fifth grade rockstar, and we're both scared.
so yea, basically, the emails are obnoxious.
thanks.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Riley
At the lovely Recreation Center where i work, there's an elementary swim team that practices five days a week in the evening in our lap pool. I love watching these kids, especially the little 5 and 6 year olds who can barely swim in the first place attempting to do the butterfly.
I normally watch for the little hilarious things the coaches miss such as, the kids secretly hitting eachother with kickboards or watching their little egos run wild as they waste half their energy just to pass eachother in their lane. But a couple weeks ago i witnessed something that stuck with me long after i had stepped down in my rotation.
On the pool deck next to the lap pool was the tiniest and cutest little nom i had ever seen in my life. She just sat there, folding a pile of swim caps, organizing her swim bag while watching the other kids swim. She would occasionally start to walk towards her coach, but then second guess herself and go back to organizing her swim bag. Eventually she got the nerve to finally walk up to her coach and say, "i want to swim now." I heard the coach talk to her and learned the girl's name to be Riley. The coach watched sternly as Riley hopped into the water and began to swim.
Riley struggled to swim five feet at a time, grasping at the wall constantly as her coach encouraged her. Her peers passed her one after the other, Riley stopping to stare at them as they all passed her by; but she kept swimming.
For the last fifteen minutes of practice Riley swam maybe 4 lengths of the pool. At the end of practice, she climbed out of the pool, neatly folded her swim cap and placed it in her completely organized bag and without a word went into the ladies locker room.
I know Riley doesn't know how inspiring she was to me that day, so all i can do is hope she continues with the determination i know i didn't have at that age. It brought a tear to my eye watching this little girl literally swim her heart out even though it seemed unbearable. As Jack's Mannequin once said, "You've gotta swim, don't let yourself sink, just find the horizon, i promise it's not as far as you think."
I haven't seen Riley at practice anymore, but she's been on my mind constantly ever since.
I normally watch for the little hilarious things the coaches miss such as, the kids secretly hitting eachother with kickboards or watching their little egos run wild as they waste half their energy just to pass eachother in their lane. But a couple weeks ago i witnessed something that stuck with me long after i had stepped down in my rotation.
On the pool deck next to the lap pool was the tiniest and cutest little nom i had ever seen in my life. She just sat there, folding a pile of swim caps, organizing her swim bag while watching the other kids swim. She would occasionally start to walk towards her coach, but then second guess herself and go back to organizing her swim bag. Eventually she got the nerve to finally walk up to her coach and say, "i want to swim now." I heard the coach talk to her and learned the girl's name to be Riley. The coach watched sternly as Riley hopped into the water and began to swim.
Riley struggled to swim five feet at a time, grasping at the wall constantly as her coach encouraged her. Her peers passed her one after the other, Riley stopping to stare at them as they all passed her by; but she kept swimming.
For the last fifteen minutes of practice Riley swam maybe 4 lengths of the pool. At the end of practice, she climbed out of the pool, neatly folded her swim cap and placed it in her completely organized bag and without a word went into the ladies locker room.
I know Riley doesn't know how inspiring she was to me that day, so all i can do is hope she continues with the determination i know i didn't have at that age. It brought a tear to my eye watching this little girl literally swim her heart out even though it seemed unbearable. As Jack's Mannequin once said, "You've gotta swim, don't let yourself sink, just find the horizon, i promise it's not as far as you think."
I haven't seen Riley at practice anymore, but she's been on my mind constantly ever since.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Dance Competitions
This past weekend I attended a dance convention in Chicago. Now, i was a competitive dancer for several years, but this past year i stopped in order to have a normal "high school experience" and do things outside of school i never had been able to, ie. student government, the musical, etc.
Dance had always been my passion, and still is. As disgustingly cheesy as this is i really live and breathe dance even now without it as such an integral part of my life as it had been before. Just wanting to move or automatically choreograph in my head whenever i hear music just feels right to me.
I've had hurtful comments thrown at me such as, "you were a dancer, you're not anymore." or "i don't know how you could ever quit, i couldn't stand it, i love it too much i guess." hurt me more than anything because i still consider myself a dancer through and through and i love dance just as much if not more than any other dancer. taking a break doesn't mean i love it any less, i just love other things too.
Sooooo back to this whole dance competition thing, i had won a full-year dance scholarship last year to this convention and thought i'd travel with my old team to it so as not to waste the scholarship. I debated for a long time wether or not to go. Truth is i was afraid that i would miss dance too much afterwards and only further regret my decision. Yes, as stupid as it sounds, i was afraid of falling in love again with something that i know was meant to be in my life....again "cheese in a can-cheesy"
No scholarships this time. No special recognition, just a lot of sore muscles and realizing that pushing something out of my life to make me happier only made it worse.
As for next year, i have no idea.
Dance had always been my passion, and still is. As disgustingly cheesy as this is i really live and breathe dance even now without it as such an integral part of my life as it had been before. Just wanting to move or automatically choreograph in my head whenever i hear music just feels right to me.
I've had hurtful comments thrown at me such as, "you were a dancer, you're not anymore." or "i don't know how you could ever quit, i couldn't stand it, i love it too much i guess." hurt me more than anything because i still consider myself a dancer through and through and i love dance just as much if not more than any other dancer. taking a break doesn't mean i love it any less, i just love other things too.
Sooooo back to this whole dance competition thing, i had won a full-year dance scholarship last year to this convention and thought i'd travel with my old team to it so as not to waste the scholarship. I debated for a long time wether or not to go. Truth is i was afraid that i would miss dance too much afterwards and only further regret my decision. Yes, as stupid as it sounds, i was afraid of falling in love again with something that i know was meant to be in my life....again "cheese in a can-cheesy"
No scholarships this time. No special recognition, just a lot of sore muscles and realizing that pushing something out of my life to make me happier only made it worse.
As for next year, i have no idea.
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