I have not posted in forever, thus i feel inclined and forced to post something new.
April, has undoubtedly been one of if not the roughest months of the school year thus far. The numerous activities that all need my time and my assignments are not always physically managable, so i always seem to leave someone disappointed. It's not always impossible to get everything done, but this month i believe i've said "boy this week has suckked" three times already. yeah.
My brain never seems to rest because it's hopping from art history to company D to precalculus to chemistry and so on. I wouldn't say that's necessarily a bad thing, but when i need to tell a doctor or my parents "how i'm doing," half the time i really don't know. It simply doesn't fit in my thought process right now. I guess in a way that means i'm doing better because all of the thoughts that killed me before no longer have time to run through my head; but now i'm a juggling maniac.
Wow this post has been extremely pessimistic so far; sorry. On a happier note, i'm going to Washington DC over this Easter weekend with my boyfriend's family. I've never spent a holiday away from home so it'll definitely be a fun and new experience. I know how much it killed my parents to let me travel with my boyfriend so far away, but to know that they trust me and care about me so much puts a smile on my face.
=D <---- smile.
I have finally downloaded that blogging app so i'll probs be bloggin it up over the weekend. Happy Easter!
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
nothing's quite the same as the pajama game
Ah, here we are; another opening of another show---yes that was an "Annie Get Your Gun" reference.
Tonight is the opening of Westlake High School's musical, "The Pajama Game," and i'm proud to say, we've finally made it. I believe it'll be for sure one of the better shows since I've been at the high school, and although i didn't get the part i wanted, i had a great time with my amazing friends wether it was spent in a giant spooning line backstage, extremely creepy marriage proposals, or excessive conversations on maturbation.----yes ladies and gentlemen, i do have the best friends in the world...jealousy is common.
"The Pajama Game" sounds like classic "cute" musical like "Grease" or "Honk" because of its fun title. I'm sorry to disappoint you----but it's not. It's about a union in a pajama factory which is much less exciting than Grease. Luckily enough, we have an extremely talented cast and i know that the "opening night" aura will boost the show's energy exponentially.
On a side note, we had another blood drive at our school today. We have several a year and every time i try to donate...only to find out that yet again my hemoglobin (fancy word for iron) levels are too low. Magically one time, i just got the minimum required and was actually able to donate...so i at least give it a shot every time...and it gives me a chance to get out of a class. WHAT A DEAL!! But you know what American Red Cross, if you don't want my rare blood type, iz yo loss.
I'll update you all tomorrow on how the show goes tonight. TGIF.
Tonight is the opening of Westlake High School's musical, "The Pajama Game," and i'm proud to say, we've finally made it. I believe it'll be for sure one of the better shows since I've been at the high school, and although i didn't get the part i wanted, i had a great time with my amazing friends wether it was spent in a giant spooning line backstage, extremely creepy marriage proposals, or excessive conversations on maturbation.----yes ladies and gentlemen, i do have the best friends in the world...jealousy is common.
"The Pajama Game" sounds like classic "cute" musical like "Grease" or "Honk" because of its fun title. I'm sorry to disappoint you----but it's not. It's about a union in a pajama factory which is much less exciting than Grease. Luckily enough, we have an extremely talented cast and i know that the "opening night" aura will boost the show's energy exponentially.
On a side note, we had another blood drive at our school today. We have several a year and every time i try to donate...only to find out that yet again my hemoglobin (fancy word for iron) levels are too low. Magically one time, i just got the minimum required and was actually able to donate...so i at least give it a shot every time...and it gives me a chance to get out of a class. WHAT A DEAL!! But you know what American Red Cross, if you don't want my rare blood type, iz yo loss.
I'll update you all tomorrow on how the show goes tonight. TGIF.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
I'm already looking forward to the week-end, week-end
Well...... I GOT IT!!
Yes, i was accepted into Westlake's National Honors Society! I can't even explain how much of a relief it is to have the stress of waiting behind me. I was literally about to burst from all the pressure...as i've said before, i care too much about this stuff.
The commitee selected thirty-one members this Spring, chosen from approx. 70 applicants. It's hard to keep your "celebritory attitude" to yourself when you receive news like that, but i know how much it stings to be on the other end, so i only told a few of my close senior friends and didn't mention it unless asked.
Just thought you'd like to know considering how crazy anxious my post was yesterday.
In other news, it's coming down the home-stretch of tech week for the musical, and honestly, it's killing my energy and grades. I've gone through quite a few tech weeks from previous shows i've done, but when you add in a frustrating director, four hours worth of AP Art History, and a pre-calculus test, it can take a toll.
I don't want to sound whiny about it, i'm just ready for the performances to start.
Oh BEDA, you have caused my blog into a bunch of nonsense blabbering. I wish they had an anti-biotic for writers block.
Yes, i was accepted into Westlake's National Honors Society! I can't even explain how much of a relief it is to have the stress of waiting behind me. I was literally about to burst from all the pressure...as i've said before, i care too much about this stuff.
The commitee selected thirty-one members this Spring, chosen from approx. 70 applicants. It's hard to keep your "celebritory attitude" to yourself when you receive news like that, but i know how much it stings to be on the other end, so i only told a few of my close senior friends and didn't mention it unless asked.
Just thought you'd like to know considering how crazy anxious my post was yesterday.
In other news, it's coming down the home-stretch of tech week for the musical, and honestly, it's killing my energy and grades. I've gone through quite a few tech weeks from previous shows i've done, but when you add in a frustrating director, four hours worth of AP Art History, and a pre-calculus test, it can take a toll.
I don't want to sound whiny about it, i'm just ready for the performances to start.
Oh BEDA, you have caused my blog into a bunch of nonsense blabbering. I wish they had an anti-biotic for writers block.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
National Honors Society Part Dos
Grrrrr.....my patience is completely worn out.
For those of you who don't remember i wrote a blog about the stress and pressure of applying for Westlake's National Honors Society. I had just turned my application in when i had written that post; and now i sit here in the library wondering if the letter has arrived at my home. The letter will be sent to every applicant, and said letter contains a list of all those accepted. I. AM. SO. DAMN. NERVOUS. This letter should be arriving today (puhleeeze!!!!!), or tomorrow. I want this sooo bad. I can apply again in the fall, but i want it now....(yes i just sounded like a greedy five year old.)
The whole, "sending the list of the accepted" bothers and scares me a lot. As my friend put it yesterday, "if you don't get in, you'll just read it over and over thinking you just missed your name the first five times....but you didn't......it's just not there."
My life won't be over if i don't get accepted. I won't lie, I probably would cry for a good ten minutes then try to distract myself. I put way too much heart into things like this so i basically set myself up for being crushed when things don't work out.
BUT, i've been sending good energy out to the universe for days on end and trying to become more confident in my chances. "As you think, so shall you be."
That aside, i reeeallllyyyy want that letter already.
For those of you who don't remember i wrote a blog about the stress and pressure of applying for Westlake's National Honors Society. I had just turned my application in when i had written that post; and now i sit here in the library wondering if the letter has arrived at my home. The letter will be sent to every applicant, and said letter contains a list of all those accepted. I. AM. SO. DAMN. NERVOUS. This letter should be arriving today (puhleeeze!!!!!), or tomorrow. I want this sooo bad. I can apply again in the fall, but i want it now....(yes i just sounded like a greedy five year old.)
The whole, "sending the list of the accepted" bothers and scares me a lot. As my friend put it yesterday, "if you don't get in, you'll just read it over and over thinking you just missed your name the first five times....but you didn't......it's just not there."
My life won't be over if i don't get accepted. I won't lie, I probably would cry for a good ten minutes then try to distract myself. I put way too much heart into things like this so i basically set myself up for being crushed when things don't work out.
BUT, i've been sending good energy out to the universe for days on end and trying to become more confident in my chances. "As you think, so shall you be."
That aside, i reeeallllyyyy want that letter already.
Monday, April 11, 2011
I'm baaaaaaaaaaaack
Wahh. I haven't posted in days because of my band trip to Atlanta. I was going to give a fair warning post about the fact that i would be going to Atlanta sans internet access and hence, wouldn't be blogging...but i didn't.
But Abbey, don't you have a droid that has internet access that costs $30 a month?
-Why yes, i do. But since that would be all too conveniant, the internent access for which i am paying is blocked since my parents blocked it two years ago, and have never unlocked it.
The band trip to Atlanta was quite enjoyable other than the 14 hour bus trip home during which i completed 10 hours worth of AP Art History. Other than that though, it was a wonderful vacation away from hectic Westlake, OH.
Little did i know that Westlake without my presence seemingly goes awry and into a state of utter chaos and hilarity.
Ex: -Substitues becoming intoxicated and thereby arrested on campus.
- Sophomores committing Grand Theft Auto in the school parking lot.
- Whiny girls getting their asses handed to them in fights during class changes.
Westlake Ohio makes me lawl- a lot.
I got to spend my trip rooming with 3 of my close friends where we had many hilarious and extremely embarassing 'adventures' as we took over Atlanta. We visited the Coca-Cola museum, which was amazing. At the end they have huge soda machines, from all around the world so you can try coke products from India, Africa, Britain, Italy, etc. I'm a huge coke fan, but certain coke products from that exhibit should be deemed illegal, ie. "Beverly" from Italy. Other fun activities at the museum included photo ops with the scariest polar bear i've ever layed eyes on, a 4D movie, and looking at antique coke bottles/products, which by the way i found quite interesting.
I won't make you read a post all about my trip, i just thought the coke museum was a definite highlight.
I'm heading into tech week for the school musical, so finding time for my ever-growing pile of Art History, blogging, and rehearsing will be difficult. But if i can survive this week, the rest of the year should be a breeezee.
But Abbey, don't you have a droid that has internet access that costs $30 a month?
-Why yes, i do. But since that would be all too conveniant, the internent access for which i am paying is blocked since my parents blocked it two years ago, and have never unlocked it.
The band trip to Atlanta was quite enjoyable other than the 14 hour bus trip home during which i completed 10 hours worth of AP Art History. Other than that though, it was a wonderful vacation away from hectic Westlake, OH.
Little did i know that Westlake without my presence seemingly goes awry and into a state of utter chaos and hilarity.
Ex: -Substitues becoming intoxicated and thereby arrested on campus.
- Sophomores committing Grand Theft Auto in the school parking lot.
- Whiny girls getting their asses handed to them in fights during class changes.
Westlake Ohio makes me lawl- a lot.
I got to spend my trip rooming with 3 of my close friends where we had many hilarious and extremely embarassing 'adventures' as we took over Atlanta. We visited the Coca-Cola museum, which was amazing. At the end they have huge soda machines, from all around the world so you can try coke products from India, Africa, Britain, Italy, etc. I'm a huge coke fan, but certain coke products from that exhibit should be deemed illegal, ie. "Beverly" from Italy. Other fun activities at the museum included photo ops with the scariest polar bear i've ever layed eyes on, a 4D movie, and looking at antique coke bottles/products, which by the way i found quite interesting.
I won't make you read a post all about my trip, i just thought the coke museum was a definite highlight.
I'm heading into tech week for the school musical, so finding time for my ever-growing pile of Art History, blogging, and rehearsing will be difficult. But if i can survive this week, the rest of the year should be a breeezee.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Why Drama is Shit Covered in Glitter (part 1)
I just realized i have yet to post today so whilst i'm taking a short homework break i decided i'll get 'er done.
This is obviously not going to be a topic i can cover in one 11:30 mid-homework post, so i'll just start it off.
Like anybody on the planet will tell you "I hate drama!" Well approx. 80% of those people are liars. People love it when they or someone else is involved in something everybody knows about, or is a "big deal." Half the time it's created from nothing. I can honestly say that i hate drama. I'm not saying that i've never had it, but if i do it is verrry rare and it kills me to no end, believe me.
Earlier this year a friend and i got in a huge fight over something so stupid. I had literally never had had a friend fight before and i literally cried myself to sleep at leat 10 times because of it. I didn't want to "get in on anything big" or anything like that. I hated those months without her in my life. So yes, i hate drama.
Recently there's been a drama (i don't know wether to call it a rumor or scandal?? oh well, insert noun here) in a choir i'm in. It is literally the stupidest thing i've ever heard. Nothing good has come of it, just a blown up message box on facebook and a lot of "he said/she said" i'm soooo glad i'm not part of this. Now a ton of girls are up in the drama because right now it's "shiny" and what's currently a "big deal."
They see a shiny ball of glitter that everyone else has so they take it only to realize, it's just a bunch of shit.
to be continued...
This is obviously not going to be a topic i can cover in one 11:30 mid-homework post, so i'll just start it off.
Like anybody on the planet will tell you "I hate drama!" Well approx. 80% of those people are liars. People love it when they or someone else is involved in something everybody knows about, or is a "big deal." Half the time it's created from nothing. I can honestly say that i hate drama. I'm not saying that i've never had it, but if i do it is verrry rare and it kills me to no end, believe me.
Earlier this year a friend and i got in a huge fight over something so stupid. I had literally never had had a friend fight before and i literally cried myself to sleep at leat 10 times because of it. I didn't want to "get in on anything big" or anything like that. I hated those months without her in my life. So yes, i hate drama.
Recently there's been a drama (i don't know wether to call it a rumor or scandal?? oh well, insert noun here) in a choir i'm in. It is literally the stupidest thing i've ever heard. Nothing good has come of it, just a blown up message box on facebook and a lot of "he said/she said" i'm soooo glad i'm not part of this. Now a ton of girls are up in the drama because right now it's "shiny" and what's currently a "big deal."
They see a shiny ball of glitter that everyone else has so they take it only to realize, it's just a bunch of shit.
to be continued...
Sunday, April 3, 2011
me vs. my reflection
Like i've said before, spring is always a hectic time of year for me. My days are literally filled to the brim going from one thing to the next, as i'm sure many's lives are as well. I always seem to manage all of it in the end, but it's never pretty getting to that point.
I'm a horrible procrastinator, and i completely admit it. I put things off to the last minute simply because i've always found some miracle way of getting it all done. I promise myself after every "episode" that it won't happen again, i'll be on top of it, but i never am. In turn, i stay up til midnight finishing ap art history assignments, falling asleep in chem and/or having mental breakdowns (which believe me are not pretty).
I'm not sure if it's my iron defficiency or what, but for some reason i simply cannot function on less than 10 hours of sleep. I'm always tired. When i'm bored at home trying to avoid homework, i'll take a nap simply to pass time since i can literally fall asleep on command. So the whole "late night studies" don't exactly turn out to the standard i used to hold them to.
I guess the point of this whole post is that so many people see me as "abbey kane," who has it all together: good grades, involved with church, clubs etc., who can do it all, but i'm not. Half the time i'm some sort of maniac while the other half is me painting a facade of what i wish i could be. People like my reflection that i display, at least i assume. There's so much more to me that the world doesn't know about, but how can i destroy the perfect persona i've built up over the years? I don't know if i want to, or can.
I'm a horrible procrastinator, and i completely admit it. I put things off to the last minute simply because i've always found some miracle way of getting it all done. I promise myself after every "episode" that it won't happen again, i'll be on top of it, but i never am. In turn, i stay up til midnight finishing ap art history assignments, falling asleep in chem and/or having mental breakdowns (which believe me are not pretty).
I'm not sure if it's my iron defficiency or what, but for some reason i simply cannot function on less than 10 hours of sleep. I'm always tired. When i'm bored at home trying to avoid homework, i'll take a nap simply to pass time since i can literally fall asleep on command. So the whole "late night studies" don't exactly turn out to the standard i used to hold them to.
I guess the point of this whole post is that so many people see me as "abbey kane," who has it all together: good grades, involved with church, clubs etc., who can do it all, but i'm not. Half the time i'm some sort of maniac while the other half is me painting a facade of what i wish i could be. People like my reflection that i display, at least i assume. There's so much more to me that the world doesn't know about, but how can i destroy the perfect persona i've built up over the years? I don't know if i want to, or can.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
BEDA
BEDA, an acronym for "blog every day in april" started yesterday. fail.
I could use the excuse of "i got home at midnight last night from my vacation so it was already too late" but i'm not going to. I'm just going to start a day late...sorry BEDA.
I guess the whole idea of blogging every day is a good one. It'll pressure me too write something no matter if i'm suffering from a brutal case of writer's block.
My friend Har Har peer pressured me and another friend to embark on this blogging adventure with her so i guess we'll have to keep pressuring eachother to sticking with it all month. It's similair to the "write a novel in november" or whatever that thing is, except i most likely will not turn out over 50,000 words total like all of those crazily devoted people. Write a novel in a month? No thank you.
So i'm going to be that guy that uses a "i'm going to participate in BEDA" posts as one of my daily posts. yes, i'm very lazy. As to my not blogging on the first day of BEDA, i'm going to call it an april fool's joke.
I could use the excuse of "i got home at midnight last night from my vacation so it was already too late" but i'm not going to. I'm just going to start a day late...sorry BEDA.
I guess the whole idea of blogging every day is a good one. It'll pressure me too write something no matter if i'm suffering from a brutal case of writer's block.
My friend Har Har peer pressured me and another friend to embark on this blogging adventure with her so i guess we'll have to keep pressuring eachother to sticking with it all month. It's similair to the "write a novel in november" or whatever that thing is, except i most likely will not turn out over 50,000 words total like all of those crazily devoted people. Write a novel in a month? No thank you.
So i'm going to be that guy that uses a "i'm going to participate in BEDA" posts as one of my daily posts. yes, i'm very lazy. As to my not blogging on the first day of BEDA, i'm going to call it an april fool's joke.
Friday, March 25, 2011
National Honor Society
Early spring is always the most hectic time of year, for me at least. There are auditions for next year's choral groups, spring musical rehearsals, and teachers straining to shove more information down my throat whilst my mind is already on a sunny beach in Florida....hence, why not throw in an application for National Honors Society?
I'm sure the perfect timing of this application process weeds out a lot of eligible applicants, but for those of us who really want this honor, it swallows up time that we don't already have, and in turn, our applications can't be the best they could have been.
The application really was a bitch to fill out, honestly. Filling out pages upon pages of all the service and leadership you've done throughout your highschool career with detailed explanations, signatures and total hours contributed to each individual activity is, to say the least, frustrating. Then you ask yourself...what exactly is service? Well, according to Westlake High School, if you play on a club volleyball team, that's somehow service; and that volleyball team is weighted the same as weekly hours at a local soup kitchen? really?
What is and what isn't considered service is not the real issue. It's more of people exaggerating to come across more deserving than others. Understandable i guess, who doesnt' want to have a b.a. application? But then there's the whole, "how far is too far?" borderline. The whole thing is completely confusing and seemingly filled with loopholes, but isn't this a society for the honorable? hmmm.
With my annonymous application officially out of my hands and into the also annonymous selection panel, all us nervous applicants can do is wait and see if all of our hours with calculators multiplying leadership hours and running around cities for adult verification signatures was even worth it.
I'm sure the perfect timing of this application process weeds out a lot of eligible applicants, but for those of us who really want this honor, it swallows up time that we don't already have, and in turn, our applications can't be the best they could have been.
The application really was a bitch to fill out, honestly. Filling out pages upon pages of all the service and leadership you've done throughout your highschool career with detailed explanations, signatures and total hours contributed to each individual activity is, to say the least, frustrating. Then you ask yourself...what exactly is service? Well, according to Westlake High School, if you play on a club volleyball team, that's somehow service; and that volleyball team is weighted the same as weekly hours at a local soup kitchen? really?
What is and what isn't considered service is not the real issue. It's more of people exaggerating to come across more deserving than others. Understandable i guess, who doesnt' want to have a b.a. application? But then there's the whole, "how far is too far?" borderline. The whole thing is completely confusing and seemingly filled with loopholes, but isn't this a society for the honorable? hmmm.
With my annonymous application officially out of my hands and into the also annonymous selection panel, all us nervous applicants can do is wait and see if all of our hours with calculators multiplying leadership hours and running around cities for adult verification signatures was even worth it.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Dear college emails and letters,
Please stop stuffing my inbox with your "find out which college is best for you" quizzes and telling me you've been noticing my academic achievements, because if that were true, you probably woudn't be emailing me.
Above all, you confuse me. For awhile i think i have somewhat of an idea what i want to do/ where i want to go and then you mess it all up. I end up drooling over your campus and yet again change my mind--only to find out that you are a second-tier ivy league college, tuition at 40,000 a year that full well knows that i probably wouldn't have a chance in hell, but you tricked me into loving your school. You're all meanies. Stop.
You scare me by telling me that there's only 5 months until i should fill out applications. I can no longer say, "oh i've got plenty of time," which is what everyone's been told since fifth grade when we still wanted to be rockstars and astronauts. I don't want to wait four months for you to decide my future based on wether or not i'm worthy of your school. I don't want to think about losing so many close people in my life and not having them around to share all the wonderful and stupidly hilarious times that we always do. I don't want to embrace the uncertainty of my own future yet; i prefer to currently live in my self-imposed ignorance to all that lies ahead; so please, let me have a little longer.
Part of me is still the fifth grade rockstar, and we're both scared.
so yea, basically, the emails are obnoxious.
thanks.
Above all, you confuse me. For awhile i think i have somewhat of an idea what i want to do/ where i want to go and then you mess it all up. I end up drooling over your campus and yet again change my mind--only to find out that you are a second-tier ivy league college, tuition at 40,000 a year that full well knows that i probably wouldn't have a chance in hell, but you tricked me into loving your school. You're all meanies. Stop.
You scare me by telling me that there's only 5 months until i should fill out applications. I can no longer say, "oh i've got plenty of time," which is what everyone's been told since fifth grade when we still wanted to be rockstars and astronauts. I don't want to wait four months for you to decide my future based on wether or not i'm worthy of your school. I don't want to think about losing so many close people in my life and not having them around to share all the wonderful and stupidly hilarious times that we always do. I don't want to embrace the uncertainty of my own future yet; i prefer to currently live in my self-imposed ignorance to all that lies ahead; so please, let me have a little longer.
Part of me is still the fifth grade rockstar, and we're both scared.
so yea, basically, the emails are obnoxious.
thanks.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Riley
At the lovely Recreation Center where i work, there's an elementary swim team that practices five days a week in the evening in our lap pool. I love watching these kids, especially the little 5 and 6 year olds who can barely swim in the first place attempting to do the butterfly.
I normally watch for the little hilarious things the coaches miss such as, the kids secretly hitting eachother with kickboards or watching their little egos run wild as they waste half their energy just to pass eachother in their lane. But a couple weeks ago i witnessed something that stuck with me long after i had stepped down in my rotation.
On the pool deck next to the lap pool was the tiniest and cutest little nom i had ever seen in my life. She just sat there, folding a pile of swim caps, organizing her swim bag while watching the other kids swim. She would occasionally start to walk towards her coach, but then second guess herself and go back to organizing her swim bag. Eventually she got the nerve to finally walk up to her coach and say, "i want to swim now." I heard the coach talk to her and learned the girl's name to be Riley. The coach watched sternly as Riley hopped into the water and began to swim.
Riley struggled to swim five feet at a time, grasping at the wall constantly as her coach encouraged her. Her peers passed her one after the other, Riley stopping to stare at them as they all passed her by; but she kept swimming.
For the last fifteen minutes of practice Riley swam maybe 4 lengths of the pool. At the end of practice, she climbed out of the pool, neatly folded her swim cap and placed it in her completely organized bag and without a word went into the ladies locker room.
I know Riley doesn't know how inspiring she was to me that day, so all i can do is hope she continues with the determination i know i didn't have at that age. It brought a tear to my eye watching this little girl literally swim her heart out even though it seemed unbearable. As Jack's Mannequin once said, "You've gotta swim, don't let yourself sink, just find the horizon, i promise it's not as far as you think."
I haven't seen Riley at practice anymore, but she's been on my mind constantly ever since.
I normally watch for the little hilarious things the coaches miss such as, the kids secretly hitting eachother with kickboards or watching their little egos run wild as they waste half their energy just to pass eachother in their lane. But a couple weeks ago i witnessed something that stuck with me long after i had stepped down in my rotation.
On the pool deck next to the lap pool was the tiniest and cutest little nom i had ever seen in my life. She just sat there, folding a pile of swim caps, organizing her swim bag while watching the other kids swim. She would occasionally start to walk towards her coach, but then second guess herself and go back to organizing her swim bag. Eventually she got the nerve to finally walk up to her coach and say, "i want to swim now." I heard the coach talk to her and learned the girl's name to be Riley. The coach watched sternly as Riley hopped into the water and began to swim.
Riley struggled to swim five feet at a time, grasping at the wall constantly as her coach encouraged her. Her peers passed her one after the other, Riley stopping to stare at them as they all passed her by; but she kept swimming.
For the last fifteen minutes of practice Riley swam maybe 4 lengths of the pool. At the end of practice, she climbed out of the pool, neatly folded her swim cap and placed it in her completely organized bag and without a word went into the ladies locker room.
I know Riley doesn't know how inspiring she was to me that day, so all i can do is hope she continues with the determination i know i didn't have at that age. It brought a tear to my eye watching this little girl literally swim her heart out even though it seemed unbearable. As Jack's Mannequin once said, "You've gotta swim, don't let yourself sink, just find the horizon, i promise it's not as far as you think."
I haven't seen Riley at practice anymore, but she's been on my mind constantly ever since.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Dance Competitions
This past weekend I attended a dance convention in Chicago. Now, i was a competitive dancer for several years, but this past year i stopped in order to have a normal "high school experience" and do things outside of school i never had been able to, ie. student government, the musical, etc.
Dance had always been my passion, and still is. As disgustingly cheesy as this is i really live and breathe dance even now without it as such an integral part of my life as it had been before. Just wanting to move or automatically choreograph in my head whenever i hear music just feels right to me.
I've had hurtful comments thrown at me such as, "you were a dancer, you're not anymore." or "i don't know how you could ever quit, i couldn't stand it, i love it too much i guess." hurt me more than anything because i still consider myself a dancer through and through and i love dance just as much if not more than any other dancer. taking a break doesn't mean i love it any less, i just love other things too.
Sooooo back to this whole dance competition thing, i had won a full-year dance scholarship last year to this convention and thought i'd travel with my old team to it so as not to waste the scholarship. I debated for a long time wether or not to go. Truth is i was afraid that i would miss dance too much afterwards and only further regret my decision. Yes, as stupid as it sounds, i was afraid of falling in love again with something that i know was meant to be in my life....again "cheese in a can-cheesy"
No scholarships this time. No special recognition, just a lot of sore muscles and realizing that pushing something out of my life to make me happier only made it worse.
As for next year, i have no idea.
Dance had always been my passion, and still is. As disgustingly cheesy as this is i really live and breathe dance even now without it as such an integral part of my life as it had been before. Just wanting to move or automatically choreograph in my head whenever i hear music just feels right to me.
I've had hurtful comments thrown at me such as, "you were a dancer, you're not anymore." or "i don't know how you could ever quit, i couldn't stand it, i love it too much i guess." hurt me more than anything because i still consider myself a dancer through and through and i love dance just as much if not more than any other dancer. taking a break doesn't mean i love it any less, i just love other things too.
Sooooo back to this whole dance competition thing, i had won a full-year dance scholarship last year to this convention and thought i'd travel with my old team to it so as not to waste the scholarship. I debated for a long time wether or not to go. Truth is i was afraid that i would miss dance too much afterwards and only further regret my decision. Yes, as stupid as it sounds, i was afraid of falling in love again with something that i know was meant to be in my life....again "cheese in a can-cheesy"
No scholarships this time. No special recognition, just a lot of sore muscles and realizing that pushing something out of my life to make me happier only made it worse.
As for next year, i have no idea.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Lifeguarding
Yes, i have the classic high school job as a lifeguard. Basically, we're certified creepers; but we save lives....nbd.
I'm not exactly sure what "inspired" be to become a lifeguard, but it really doesn't matter. All i know is that I'm now one of the "wwwaaaaaaaaallllkk," shouting, sunglass-tanlined cliches that annoyed me to no end only 5 years ago.
I really like my job my job, it's technically just "sitting" and cleaning, but i've learned a ton about people in general since that first lovely day i sat "in chair." You learn a lot by staring at people for hours on end. Such as kids running around aimlessly without adult supervision to people that think pull ups on the lap pool starting blocks is somehow excercise, to the absolute cutest little noms. I'll probs post more about lifeguarding "enlightenments" about people interacting with people and pool equipment that isn't theirs.....but they'll break it to get their swim cap back from the drain...jerk offs.
I'm not exactly sure what "inspired" be to become a lifeguard, but it really doesn't matter. All i know is that I'm now one of the "wwwaaaaaaaaallllkk," shouting, sunglass-tanlined cliches that annoyed me to no end only 5 years ago.
I really like my job my job, it's technically just "sitting" and cleaning, but i've learned a ton about people in general since that first lovely day i sat "in chair." You learn a lot by staring at people for hours on end. Such as kids running around aimlessly without adult supervision to people that think pull ups on the lap pool starting blocks is somehow excercise, to the absolute cutest little noms. I'll probs post more about lifeguarding "enlightenments" about people interacting with people and pool equipment that isn't theirs.....but they'll break it to get their swim cap back from the drain...jerk offs.
Abbey Kane, why not?
I won't lie.
I got this whole "blogging" idea from a friend, and as a person who moreover thinks like a blog, I thought, what the hell?.....or more appropriately, why not? I think of it more of an extended facebook status or note, but without annoyingly blowing up my, or anybody else's homepage.
I go by "abbeykane," yes all one word. I don't normally let people get deep into my distorted head, but for anyone that's ever wanted to know what "abbeykane" is actually thinking, I guess it's just a win-win situation for errbody. But i write exactly what i feel for myself, and not for anyone else. So, like it or not, this is "abbeykane" and that pretty much sums up the whole "this is my first blog post and it's really awkward" thing.K bye.
I got this whole "blogging" idea from a friend, and as a person who moreover thinks like a blog, I thought, what the hell?.....or more appropriately, why not? I think of it more of an extended facebook status or note, but without annoyingly blowing up my, or anybody else's homepage.
I go by "abbeykane," yes all one word. I don't normally let people get deep into my distorted head, but for anyone that's ever wanted to know what "abbeykane" is actually thinking, I guess it's just a win-win situation for errbody. But i write exactly what i feel for myself, and not for anyone else. So, like it or not, this is "abbeykane" and that pretty much sums up the whole "this is my first blog post and it's really awkward" thing.K bye.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)